Finding Happiness in Our Wounded World

It’s becoming increasingly difficult to find joy and happiness in our chaotic and troubled world where we are constantly bombarded with pessimistic and depressing headlines: A lingering pandemic, global warming, rising and polluted seas, natural disasters, Russia invading Ukraine with the threat of nuclear war, multiple other international conflicts (Ethiopian Tigray war, Afghanistan-Pakistan, Syria, the Iran threat, Saudi-Yemen, Israel-Palestine), our broken, reactionary politics and struggling democracy, uncivilized lunatics randomly committing murder and mayhem, red-hot inflation, world hunger, humanitarian crises galore, etc., etc., etc. These are fraught times and despondency and malaise are understandable. How does one achieve happiness in this kind of toxic environment? It is challenging, but entirely possible.

• Seek Harmony and Balance  Find work that is meaningful and purposeful and is not merely an “occupation,” but a passion and it will hardly feel like work. Many Americans are conditioned to hate their jobs and love passive forms of relaxation, but studies demonstrate that meaningful work is preferred over mindless downtime. A healthy balance between work and recreation is fundamental for happiness. Stay engaged and enthusiastic with interests and hobbies that exercise your mind and body, including reading, travel, games, puzzles, art, music, crafts, recreational sports, etc.

• You Don’t Have to “Keep Up with the Joneses”  Once our basic needs are met, we should be content. If we can achieve this, we will be doing better than most of the world’s population. Clearly, lack of resources strongly contributes to unhappiness, but once one has sufficient material resources so that basic needs are met, increased resources do not or only marginally increase happiness. In the words of Stuart Goldsmith, an extremely wealthy friend of my father’s: “It’s not so good with, as it is bad without.” Simple is good, less is often more, and everything in moderation. We should be grateful and appreciative of living in a pluralistic democracy with a stable government, having access to quality education, healthcare, occupational and recreational opportunities, and living in a generally safe environment.

• Try to Achieve “Flow” Psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi (quoted below) described this inner transcendent state of focused contentment, one of the genuine secrets to happiness. When in flow, you are totally immersed, involved, engaged, and concentrated in an experience such that you feel like you don’t exist as your body disappears from consciousness and the activity becomes effortless. You feel part of something larger and a sense of clarity, serenity, and even ecstasy can result, and you can lose all sense of time as you are totally present in the moment with no thoughts of the past or future. Flow may occur in a variety of circumstances, including work, sports, talking with a friend, writing music, crafts, and providing therapy (as my psychology grad student daughter related to me), etc.

“We can’t afford to become trapped within ourselves, our jobs, and religions, and lose sight of the entire tapestry of life.” “When the self loses itself in a transcendent purpose — whether to write great poetry, craft beautiful furniture, understand the motions of galaxies, or help children be happier — the self becomes largely invulnerable to the fears and setbacks of ordinary existence.”

His TED talk on flow. 

• Manage Time Our time on this planet is limited, so structure your time effectively. Learn how to say no, how to prioritize, and how to delegate. Avoid emotionally draining activities as best as possible and try not to worry about things outside your ability to control. Eliminate negative, toxic energy by avoiding negative people.

• Find Nature Connecting to nature can offer solace. The simple act of being outside in fresh air, sunlight, and among nature — the beach, parks, forests, mountains, watching sunrises and sunsets, animals in their natural habitats, etc. — can enhance happiness and physical and mental wellbeing. Nature is full of wonder and reminds us of our own impermanence and fragility, which helps us to be present and in the moment. Nature helps keep us grounded and maintain perspective.

“Nature asks that we acknowledge that nothing lasts; we are each as ephemeral as the trilliums pushing up from the ground right now, or as the seasons are… The cherry blossom festival is no mere show of spectacular clouds in pink and white. It’s a carpe diem festival — a reminder of impermanence as the petals shatter and drop. Gone.”

Margaret Roach

• Relationships Matter  Humans are a social, communal, and a connected species, and isolation is unhealthy. Meaningful relationships with a significant other, family and friends, and a good rapport with colleagues are fundamental building blocks of happiness. Community counts.

• Active and Healthy Lifestyle Avoiding Self-Abusive Behavior  Our greatest wealth is health, and it becomes a challenge to achieve happiness in the face of poor health, so be a good caretaker of your body and mind. A clean and healthy diet with an abundance of fruit and vegetables, nutrient-dense, minimally processed foods along with regular exercise and physical activity, and adequate quantity and quality of sleep are key elements. Shun junk food, obesity, tobacco, excessive alcohol, addictive drugs, excessive sun exposure, and undue risks.

• Get Your “DOSE” of Happy Internal Chemicals  Four mood-regulating “happy chemical” neurotransmitter/hormones within our body include dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins — referred to as DOSE. Tapping into your “internal pharmacy” can provide a natural high and feeling of wellbeing. Their release can be triggered with numerous activities including the following: Enjoying a delicious meal, dark chocolate, listening to music, hugging someone, spending time with loved ones, smiling and laughing with friends, having sex, spending time outside, enjoying nature, meditation, yoga, hot baths, aromatherapy, massage, exercising, playing with your pet, enjoying a fresh bouquet of flowers, etc.

• Maintain optimism  Try to accentuate the positive and minimize the negative. A cheery and upbeat disposition, a good sense of humor, a sense of hope about what the future might bring, and flexibility and adaptability will help you deal positively with stress and help counter life’s inevitable losses and changes.